Loving Self-Acceptance is the Key to Success in All Things 

...Including Addiction Recovery.

Loving-self-acceptance is not a privilege. It is your right as a human being. It is the escape hatch from every prison. What you need—probably—is not discipline, pushing and shoving, and “tough love.” What you need is letting go, surrender, and kindness.

Suppose you're stuck in something (say, addiction, work-inhibition, or depression). Are you afraid that if you have mercy on yourself, you’ll become complacent and resigned, and not accomplish anything? That’s where you are now! Mercy is the way out. The prison door of addiction/depression is closed, yes. But it isn’t locked.

Being kind and gentle to yourself is the beginning of wisdom. It will take you farther forward into a better life than you can currently imagine. Without it, very little good can come. With it, you have a chance—many chances—to build as good a life as the world will allow. And you can’t tell how good that is, until you experiment and try things, day after day, year after year. No matter how bad things get, they can still change. Even when things are good, they can get even better if you’re humble and brave and careful.

Yes, you need nonviolently to discipline your kids, provide sufficient structure, and equip them for the ways of a harsh world. But don’t forget that you’re also the secure base for them, from which they must venture out to make their trial runs at leaving the nest, returning for safety and comfort. They have to rebel; it’s a developmentally appropriate step toward leaving home. While this rebellion happens, a part of each kid still yearns for connection to the parent and closeness. Add to this the sober reflection that, from an adult’s perspective, this period (roughly 11 to 17) will fly by despite its considerable difficulties. This is your last chance to determine how their emotional template for future relationships gets laid down, how they feel about you, and how they remember your life together. When they transgress, unless there is a safety issue it may be best “not to punish, but to instruct” (Plato, Apology, 26a), and decide that although justice, scorekeeping, and “there have to be consequences” may be important, the later it gets the less important those become, till at some point the cord snaps, they’re off to college or Iraq. It matters much less from then on what your notions of fairness are. Nobody’s perfect; from time to time, every parent needs a reminder that  the emotional tone of the relationship and the kid’s experience of it is at least as important as raising a good citizen or a tough guy. The nurturance is not the only important thing, but it’s the most important thing.